It is most regrettable to need
To keep a human on a lead
But it is a somewhat unstable
Bipedal breed
After early ablutions
And chewing crossword solutions
Human will indicate a desire to run free
By attempting self-strangulation
And near asphyxiation
To escape temporarily
From dogmatic regulation
But, to protect the potential pedigree
Of humans’ prospective progeny
You must always pooh-pooh on protestation
And wee demonstration
Remember to bark with authority
And mark canine superiority
By continuing to keep human
On a very tight lead
Much later, when it comes to dinnertime
You will almost certainly hear an audible pine
As human attempts to profit from your palate
Such predictable beggings
And nuzzling of your leggings
Are best ignored until they abate
And when due subservience
Touched with a hint of reverence
Is exhibited with deference once more
With natural order fully restored
Why not consider a small reward?
Like a humble human biscuit from your paw
The day is long run
As you ruminate on your tum
With your soul mate in your deluxe doggydozey bed
And should your luck be in -now is the perfect time-
For your romantic partner to gently lay a paw upon your head
But what’s that?
Canine interruptus?
A human knocking politely on your kennel mansion door
At such a delicate time
Please don’t stress
Just feign a touch of deafness
And focus on getting breathless
And for once
Let another dog follow your lead
(This poem is dedicated to George and all the other selfless dogs
who- no matter how inclement the weather – walk their
faithful humans at any time of day or night, often missing
their favourite programmes on Doggyvision… and letting their
meals grow cold.)
